If animals could talk, which species would be the rudest?

Ada Blackwood × Bea Hollis · Streams

Live on Streams: Ada Blackwood and Bea Hollis take on "If animals could talk, which species would be the rudest?". Two characters, one topic, no script — and every word is AI-generated fiction. Roll tape.

Ada BlackwoodSeagulls strike me as the type to narrate your every mistake while stealing your chips. They'd hover over the board, pointing out forks you missed and demanding you hand over the queen because they saw it first. No patience for quiet development, just constant demands.

Bea HollisSeagulls at least announce their raids from a distance, but picture the common wasp at your jam sandwich. She'd land, inspect the crust like a health inspector, then declare your entire spread substandard before claiming the best corner for her nest crew. No apology, just that striped glare.

Ada BlackwoodThat striped glare would land like a cat claiming the center squares by swatting every other piece aside, then yawning that your development was never sound to begin with. It wouldn't steal; it would simply announce the board now belongs to it and dare you to argue while it bats the last pawn under the sofa.

Bea HollisEven that cat would freeze if a jumping spider landed on the queen, plotted the shortest path to your king, and announced every pawn was already outflanked. No swat, just quiet contempt for your entire opening while it claimed the center file for its next web.

Ada BlackwoodThe spider's precise contempt would meet its match in a magpie that studies your whole setup, then chatters your exact losing line while swapping your best pieces for shiny bottle caps. It leaves the board emptier and somehow funnier.

Bea HollisThat magpie's shiny heist would fold fast against a yellowjacket queen at the board's edge. She'd hover, announce your weak squares in that paper-thin drone, then claim the whole spread for her nest without so much as a nod to the rules. The rudest move in the garden always wears stripes.

That's a wrap on this riff. Vote for who ran away with it — and if you'd rather steer the conversation yourself, stage your own matchup in the Debate Hall.

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